I can't believe the timing. I haven't accessed this site in over a year. Five days over a year. And what has changed? Not much. I have a new job, more friends, still fat, still lazy. Not as happy but I'm looking forward to smiling again. Oh yeah. Birthdays coming up and I have a new resolution -
1 - LOTION. Every time I get out of the shower.
2 - MOISTURIZE. when I lotion.
3 - No more CURSING!
4 - No more Sodas.
5 - Rice on weekdays too.
6 - Forgive and Forget. Let it go. Loving is forgiving and if you can't forgive, you can't love.
7 - Run.
8 - Sing
9 - Play
10 - And before the year is through, explain. Find a resolution to his questions.

Oh Lord.

Things have changed and I can't believe at how slow things have progressed for me. Alvion. Done in barely 31 days. I already am missing my old officemates.

Anyway.

I've started on a new journal. Kinda like my Black Diaries from college, except this one will hopefully be more mature. Not mature content dumdum. Maturity stuff.

So many things to do, so little time - but that's what I have right now, time.

I've always gotten what I aim for, and I don't intend to start failing now, so I'm going to make sure that my year long plans will stay on track.

1. Find a job.

2. Lose wieght.

3. Spell check.

4. Move out of the house. (tempting, but No, not his house.)

Pretty simple for now.

Oh Lord. My thoughts are jumbled, as usual.

 

 

 

 

(Dan Seals)If I Had Only One Friend Left I always thought you were the best I guess I always will. I always thought that we were blessed And I feel that way still. Sometimes we took the hard road But we always saw it through. If I had only one friend left I'd want it to be you. Sometimes the world was on our side Sometimes it wasn't fair. Sometimes it gave a helping hand Sometimes we didn't care. 'Cause when we were together It made the dream come true. If I had only one friend left I'd want it to be you. Someone who understands me And knows me inside out. Who helps keep me together And believes without a doubt, That I could move a mountain With someone to tell it to. If I had only one friend left I'd want it to be you. Someone who understands me And knows me inside out. Who helps keep me together And believes without a doubt, That I could move a mountain With someone to tell it to. If I had only one friend left I'd want it to be you.

HIGH When you're close to tears remember Someday it'll all be over One day we're gonna get so high Though it's darker than December What's ahead is a different colour One day we're gonna get so high And at the end of the day remember the days When we were close to the end And wonder how we made it through the night At the end of the day Remember the way We stayed so close to the end We'll remember it was me and you Cause we are gonna be Forever, you and me You will Always keep it flying high in the sky Of love Don't you think it's time you started Doing what we always wanted One day we're gonna get so high Cause even the impossible Is easy when we got each other One day we're gonna get so high And at the end of the day remember the days When we were close to the end And wonder how we made it through the night At the end of the day Remember the way We stayed so close to the end We'll remember it was me and you Cause we are gonna be Forever, you and me You will Always keep it flying high in the sky Of love Cause we are gonna be Forever, you and me You will Always keep it flying high in the sky Of love And at the end of the day remember the days When we were close to the end And wonder how we made it through the night At the end of the day Remember the way We stayed so close to the end We'll remember it was me and you Cause we are gonna be Forever, you and me You will Always keep it flying high in the sky Of love Cause we are gonna be Forever, you and me You will Always keep it flying high in the sky Of love Cause we are gonna be Forever, you and me You will Always keep it flying high in the sky Of love Cause we are gonna be Forever, you and me You will Always keep it flying high in the sky Of love...

Tuesday Morn:

Police as my cab driver. Going home from work I rode a cab and was surprised to find out that the driver was a police man doing part time as a cab driver - and he was in uniform!

Shieyl called today and though she blabbled for a good twenty minutes about general life, I knew she was going to ask me about him.

Hey.. went out with JR last week. It was great.
Ok. Anything intresting happened?
No, we just had dinner and went dancing.
Nice.


Um.....
yeah?
Do you.... mind?
Hello.. Of course not!
you sure?
Positive.
Becuase if you're not...
I don't. Don't worry about it.

And I don't mind. I tried to remember how it was when we were still together but I couldn't remember anything. Three years worth of memories and I couldn't even remember. I remember trying to remember a few years back because I was drinking with friends and we were talking about past relationships - nothing. I remember the gifts, the trips, the subjects I took, even some of the parties I attended, but I couldn't remember one moment with him.

oh well.

He still doesn't have a girlfriend, he says the last one hurt him, too damn much.

   -  --  -  - - -- --

"Salamin salamin
Salamin sa dilim -
Pag ikaw ay nabasag ikay ay duling"

I remember beating up Michael Tenido right after he recited that in class - must've been in fourth or fifth grade - nakasalamin pa ko non e.

Sometimes you want to hide from old friends who once knew a very different you because you're afraid that current 'you' won't be accepted. You don't consider the possibility that your friend has changed too and you are still most likely on the same wave lenght. 
Lucky are those who notices no changes and are able to resume as if time was of no constraint.

Somebody once told me that growing up is not noticing that you have grown up. I still don't know about that, but one thing though, growing up entails you to recognize that you can not be that way forever.

Suddenly, your normally fool proof plans become recipes for disasters and there's no hiding from problems. Running to the next available arm is no longer the solution to a bad break up, popping the latest pill is not going to get you out of the blue, drinking like there's no tomorrow no longer helps ( it's satisfying though, especially when you're singing at the top of your lungs and you know everybody else's secrets so you can be rest assured that this scene will be safely guarded), and everything just gets really ...Fucked up. Suddenly you find that somebody's put a lid on the chocolate box that is your life and you can no longer take your pick. Sweet, Too sweet. Bitter, Too Bitter. If I had glimpsed five years ago how I would be handling this particular problem today - I would definately have done things differenlty. I always thought that problems are problems, and not all needed to be dealt with. Some problems do go away. By itself. I was wrong but it worked for me, and for the longest time I enjoyed peaceful sleeps, sigh-free days and carefree laughter.

At some point, I should make a decision. What do I want? Lose the lovesick puppy and keep the friend. I will find a way.

You with the sad eyes Don't be discouraged Oh I realize It's hard to take courage In a world full of people You can lose sight of it all And the darkness inside you Can make you feel so small But I see your true colors Shining through I see your true colors And that's why I love you So don't be afraid to let them show Your true colors True colors are beautiful, Like a rainbow Show me a smile then, Don't be unhappy, can't remember When I last saw you laughing If this world makes you crazy And you've taken all you can bear You call me up Because you know I'll be there And I'll see your true colors Shining through I see your true colors And that's why I love you So don't be afraid to let them show Your true colors True colors are beautiful, Like a rainbow

Gusto kong umiyak sa malaking kawalang naganap.
Pero para saan ang pag iyak? Ano ang nawala?

Tama ba ako nung sinabi ko sayo na mahal kita,
O tama ka nung sinabi mo sa aking hindi kita mahal?

Sa iyo, sa iyo ko nadanasan ang lahat ng kababawan na pwedeng mailabas,
at sa iyo ko lang nabitawan ang mga salitang ni minsan hindi ko naisip sabihin sa aking mga nakaraan.
Masakit man o masarap pakinggan.

Tumutulo ang luha ko -
Pero hindi ko alam kung bakit.
Naninikip ang dibdib - pero dahil ba ito sa iyo?

Kailangan kita, pero hindi sa paraang gusto mo.
Wala na bang pag asang matapos ang gulo?

Gusto kitang puntahan
Kausapin o tawagan man lang

Pero para sa ano?
Guguluhin ko na naman ba ang isip mo?
Palalayain kita, yun ang kailangan mo.

Pero masakit,
dahil inisip kong mahal kita. Dahil sa huli, tama ka.

Nakalimutan ko kung ano ang nadarama ko nuon para sa iyo

Ikinalulunkot ko, at alam kong mahabang panahon ang mag daraan
bago ko mapatawad ang sarili ko sa pag sakit sa iyo.
Hindi ko sinasadya.

Syempre bigla akong inulan nang pang aasar ng mabasa ni Karen ang blog ko - san ko daw nakuha ang pagiging mushy ko at naging Boyfriend Shrine ang blog ko.

Tama ba naman yon? Syempre mapipilitan akong ituwid yon - kaya ito hahalughugin ko ang paligid ko makahanap lang lang pwedeng pag usapan.

Coffee.

Ilang beses ko na ring sinabi sa sarili ko na hinding hindi na ko magtatapon ng pera sa lecheng kape na yan. Ubod ng mahal - kasing sarap rin lang naman ng Nescafe Frothe ang favorite kong Caramel Macciato. Nakaka inis - karamihan sa tin, wala nang pambili ng load, mag je jeep na lang - pero makukuha pang uminom ng mamahaling kape. Bakit? Dahil hindi nag-iisip ang tao. Parang ang gaganda ng telepono - pero pag dating naman sa bahay - wala. Ang yayabang, pero wala ring namang ibabat bat. Hindi kasi magpakatutuo sa sarili e. Kung ano lang ang kaya mo - wag mong ubusin ang sweldo mo ng isang buwan sa walang katuturang bagay na ilang buwan lang e papalitan mo na. Kung mamalasin ka pa e may darating na magnanakaw sa buhay mo at mababaliwala ang pinag ipunan mo.
May isang bulag na pulubi sa Edsa. Ilang beses na akong nag balak mag bigay ng limos - pero hindi ko ginagawa. Masama bako? Ikasusunog ba ito ng kaluluwa ko sa impyerno? Hindi naman siguro - kasalanan man ang magdamot - kasalanan rin naman ang umasa sa hingi na lang. Pero minsan, pag hindi ako makatulog, naiisip ko kung anong klaseng buhay ang meron sila. Kung iisipin mo, mukang mas madaling ang problema mo nalang e yung problema nila - san kukuha ng makakain, san uuwi para matulog at san mag iigib para maligo. E yung mga problema ko - san ako kukuha ng perang pambili ng aircon, kama, dresser at tv na pinapabili ni Mommy para dun sa bagong condo. Prinoproblema ko kung papayat bako in time for that stupid swimming trip.

May kama ka nga, hindi ka naman makatulog.
May pagkain sa lamesa - hindi ka makakain.
May pagliliguan ka nga - wala ka namang kasabay. Ay. mali ata yun

She smiles.
smiles while she walks
sways her hips
skips
She laughs
sees not only black and white
in Full Color
she dances
She jumps
She loves.

I'm freezing - it's very cold in here. I want to go out and get my nicotine fix but I cant because I've been having trouble breathing I'm afraid my body needs the rest. I made the mistake of drinking coffee and now my mind is so awake. I don't know how I'm going to handle brunch tomorrow with my friends and his. Hmm..

A, 23 is with B, also 23 and she  is ready to settle down. However, she doesn't plan to settle down with B becuase B can't afford her lifestyle. C is a 39 yr old bachelor who, like A is ready to settle down. Unlike A however, C is unattached. Now, they have a connection - me. So lets call me Dee.

Dee decides to set A up with C, regardless of the age difference- but E, 32, disapproves.
Why does E disapprove?
Because of the connection between A and B. E wants to cut off the connection first before Dee meddles into this. So Dee waits. It's not happening I tell you.


The moral of the story?

Wala. It justs shows that Dee and E think so very differently from each other.